Mario Balotelli Leaves For AC Milan

This has nothing to do with Mario Balotelli. Just been a while since I last used this picture.

AC Milan have agreed a four-and-a-half-year contract for the transfer for of Mario Balotelli from Manchester City, with an initial transfer fee of £19 million and another £3 million in add-ons being accepted. Milan’s club director, Umberto Gandini, confirmed the move via his Twitter and shirts with Balotelli’s name are already being made available on the AC Milan website.

Balotelli has always been a player to polarize opinion across the world. The Italian possesses a lethal combination of supreme talent and outrageous behavior. For example, scoring the opening goal in the Manchester derby came a day after he had set fireworks off inside his house, burning it to the ground. It’s reported that Balotelli was so reluctant to leave possessions inside the house, he ran in to the burning building to retrieve a quantity of money and a suitcase. Read more

Posted on January 30, 2013 by Craig in England, Italy, Manchester City, Premiership, Serie A Leave a comment

Torres Scores A Brace / Cazorla’s Dive / Balotelli The Sub-Plot

Morning all!

The weekend just gone was another fabulous advertisement for the Premier League. “Footballistically” speaking, it was great, although there were a few morons intent on ruining it for everybody else. Swansea City acted rapidly to refer a fan to the Police for a racially aggravated offence, a fan hit Rio Ferdinand with a coin and another ran on to the pitch to confront the defender, but was thwarted by Joe Hart, who could thwart a meteor if he felt like it.

We will always be surrounded by idiots in football and every other aspect of our life, but it’s very nice to see only the incredibly tiny minority acting up and consequently getting punished. Lifetime bans for all concerned (hopefully) and we can move on.

To the actual football and Fernando Torres scored his third and fourth goals in two games on Saturday, bagging against Sunderland to silence a few critics. Converting a Eden Hazard cross through great movement and awareness, Torres then scored from the penalty spot in the first half. Throughout the match, Chelsea seemed more direct and much faster in their build-up play, with Victor Moses looking dynamic, getting through a lorry-load of work to help Chelsea to three points. More and more, the blues are looking more suited to Torres and although this change has only happened in the last two matches, let’s hope it continues, for there is nothing worse than to see a world class striker completely down on his luck and form. The Spaniard didn’t appear his usual, languid self against Sunderland. I hope he can continue to improve.

Over at the Emirates Stadium, Santi Cazorla was sparking controversy for his dive against West Brom, when Steven Reid was adjudged to have tripped the Spaniard. Replays showed that Reid never touched Cazorla and that he dived, but before we villify the little man for diving, let’s just remind ourselves of a few things. For starters, what is Reid doing swinging a lazy left leg inside the penalty area? That’s an invitation for forwards to go over all day long. Midway through making the challenge, Reid seems to realise this and retracts his challenge and Cazorla begins his fall, having anticipated that Reid is going to catch him. For me, although we don’t like to see players diving, I understand why Cazorla did what he did. If Reid doesn’t pull out and makes contact, he would hurt Cazorla if he also fails to pull out. Santi Cazorla anticipates what’s coming and prepares to go down for it. It shouldn’t have been a penalty, as contact wasn’t made and I wish players wouldn’t do it, but I do understand the reasoning behind why Cazorla took a tumble.

Finally, the enigmatic Mario Balotelli once again dominated the sub-plot as Manchester City crashed to a 3-2 defeat at the hands of Manchester United. City had enjoyed large spells of possession against their city rivals and alway looked the probe, but a lack of movement in the final third from the Italian, combined with lazy flicks and a lackadaisical approach in general, resulted in Manchester City fans quickly growing tired of him yesterday as United capitalised on City not making their possession count.

The telling point in yesterday’s match for Balotelli, was when he carelessly back-heeled the ball in the 50th minute and was substituted in the 52nd, with Roberto Mancini shown to be irate on the touchline for his careless approach to the match. Carlos Tevez replaced him and almost instantly, Manchester City were carving out openings.

Why Mancini selected Balotelli to start, I’ll never know and that there was so much debate over whether a £20 million striker should have started yesterday, tells you everything you need to know about his contribution and overall attitude to playing football. All too often, Balotelli has cost Manchester City, as he did last season against Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium. If Mancini continues to indulge in his compatriot, then Balotelli will continue to drag City through the mire.

Right, that’s me done for the day! Make sure you read yesterday’s match report on Manchester City v Manchester United!

Follow @J4goalpostsblog

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Craig in England, Premiership Leave a comment

Manchester City 2-3 Manchester United

Good afternoon!

I have a Chicken doing its thing in the oven, so I thought to myself, “why not write a match report on the match whilst the Chicken cooks, eat it when I’m finished and watch the rest of West Ham v Liverpool?”. That’s some damned good organisation on a Sunday.

So, the match was everything we could have envisioned it to be. There were five goals, a bloodied Rio Ferdinand, Roberto Mancini and Mario Balotelli had their obligatory fall-out and Tom Cruise was in attendance, giving a pre-match interview to promote his new film, “Jack Reacher”, because, you know, a Premier League match is as good as going to the cinema now. Helena Bonham Carter will feature on next week’s televised match between Newcastle United and Manchester City to promote Les Miserables.

Roberto Mancini opted to drop Edin Dzeko and Carlos Tevez from the starting line-up, giving Mario Balotelli his sixth start of the season and when the Italian has scored just one Premier League goal compared to Dzeko’s record of six and Tevez’s of seven this campaign, you have to seriously question the methology of Mancini’s decision. It was a big talking point between Manchester City fans and neutrals and had one of Dzeko or Tevez started, maybe City could have made the first 15 minutes of their domination actually count for something. City started brighter than United and played keep-ball early on, with United unable to win the ball back to the point where Robin van Persie was having to drop back to help out defensively.

Then, the game pivoted, swung into United’s favour momentarily and Wayne Rooney capitalised. Robin van Persie flicked the ball on for Ashley Young in midfielf, who tore away down the left, cut inside and squared a pass to Rooney, who let the ball run across the area before shooting back in the direction he came from. Rooney’s connection with the ball wasn’t the best, but his shot didn’t need to be struck at 100 mph to beat Joe Hart, as the shot was that precise that it had deceived Hart enough to roll into his bottom left-hand corner. After that, Manchester City lost their impetus, failed to keep the ball in the final third and United took a two goal lead thirteen minutes later, again through Wayne Rooney. Rafael’s cut-back found the England international on the edge of the areaand he swept home the chance for 2-0.

For all of the possession that City enjoyed, they had no cutting edge movement in the final third and the languid Mario Balotelli summed uo that half in a two minute spell, in which the Italian, David Silva and somebody else (Pablo Zabaleta, I think) were combining passes without going anywhere. Balotelli mainted his position on the touchline and played backward passes to Zabaleta, Silva was crowded out and all it took to escape the malaise was for Balotelli to innovate and find some space. He was like that for the 52 minutes in which he played. Everything was lazy from Balotelli and Mancini’s indulgence of his compatriot borders on the fatal.

Fortunately for Manchester City, a lazy back-heel early in the second half from Balotelli, which prompted the groans of over 40,000 City fans, knocked Mancini into action as he beckoned Carlos Tevez to strip ready for action. Instantly, City looked more threatening and they carried the game toward United, desperate for a way back into the game.

That route came via Yaya Toure, whose goal was similar to Rooney’s second, with the Ivorian sweeping home from the edge of the area and although they arguably deserved it, Manchester United should have been celebrating a third just a minute earlier. Robin van Persie’s right-foot shot cannoned off of the inside of the post, fell to Ashley Young and the winger converted his chance, but was adjudged to be offside. Replays showed that Young was being played onside by Zabaleta and the goal should have stood.

Sir Alex Ferguson must have been preparing his post-match speech on linesmen in the 85th minute, when Pablo Zabaleta, the man who played Young onside for the disallowed goal, poetically equalised for Manchester City. A corner was headed to the edge of the area by Robin van Persie and the Argentinian made no mistake with a thunderous strike, which made its way through a few red shirts to seemingly protect City’s unbeaten home record of two years.

With two minutes remaining, Manchester United attacked, with Rafael tearing his way toward goal before being upended by the stray boot of Carlos Tevez, thus resulting in a free-kick to Manchester United a dangerous area. Robin van Persie stepped up, swung his immense left boot at the ball, curled it around City’s “two and a half men” wall, the ball took a deflection off of “half a man” Samir Nasri, deceived the footwork of Joe Hart and the ball nestled in the bottom corner. As an Arsenal myself, watching Nasri take a dump in his shorts as he dodged the flight of van Persie’s free-kick was hilarious, though less so when I realised the Dutchman had done it again for United. Not that I’m bitter Arsenal consistently fail to sign their best players to contracts or anything.

Manchester United walk away with the three points, end City’s unbeaten run and give themselves a six point lead over their rivals as we head into the Christmas period. If United can avoid defeat through the upcoming busy period, then they will put themselves in a heavily fortified position as the season begins to enter the final stages. Fixtures against Swansea, Newcastle United, Sunderland, West Brom and Wigan gives Sir Alex Ferguson’s team a great chance to stake a big claim on first place. Manchester City themselves have a fairly comfortable period and by no means is the Premier League title race over, but the team to emerge first in January will be my favourites for the title.

Right, my chicken is nearly done, West Ham are losing 1-0 to Liverpool as I speak and Glen Johnson is playing so well he’s looking like Cafu… WAIT! THE REFEREE HAS GIVEN A PENALTY!! Joe Allen judged to have handled in the area. Mark Noble steps up… GOAL! 1-1.

Enjoy your Sunday dinner!

Follow @J4goalpostsblog

Posted on December 9, 2012 by Craig in England, Premiership Leave a comment

Germany 1-2 Italy / Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Balotelli

Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Balotelli!

Good morning!

I’m sorry if this post is late reaching you, in fact, I know it will be late, there is no ‘if’ about it. Give me a dial-up connection over wireless Internet any day…

… I kid.

Right, I shan’t beat about the bush this morning as I’m late already, so we’ll speak about Italy beating Germany by two goals to one last night. Talking to Mat after the match, he described it as a, ‘shock, but not a shock’. Of course, we all expected Germany to win (I think) but yet it was no surprise that Italy turned up, scored two goals and qualified for the final of Euro 2012, where they will play Spain in Kiev.

Adam, one of our guest writers for this summer. said that Germany looked vulnerable against Greece and did so all tournament. Before Germany actually packed their bags for Poland/Ukraine, they were stunned and beaten 5-3 by Switzerland. Fair enough, Germany made many changes that day, but it showed they maybe weren’t the finished article we thought the Germans to be. I’d always take a friendly result with a pinch of salt, as England beat Spain a few months ago, but it did show that Germany could be ‘got at’. Read more

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Craig in Euro 2012, Europe, Germany, Italy Leave a comment

Manchester City Win Premier League Title

Manchester City – Premier League Champions

Good morning all!

I’m writing this post whilst I run back and forth to the toilet. For some reason, I’m ill, which doesn’t please me a great deal if I’m honest.

Right, lets get this started before I fall asleep on the job, otherwise nothing will get done today!

A few weeks back, when Arsenal defeated Manchester City at the Emirates Stadium 1-0 thanks to a late Mikel Arteta strike, I, and everybody else in football struck Manchester City off as done for this season. Unless you were of a blue persuasion, and a very stubborn blue at that, it would have been hard for most Manchester City fans to contemplate lifting the Premier League title. I actually got a telling off from a nine year old City fan on my travels yesterday. I met a family of Manchester City fans who were on their way to the game and I said how impressed I was with City as I’d written them off after losing to Arsenal, with the nine year old stating I clearly didn’t know what I was on about. The little kid verbally flattened me and had I been a little sharper on my toes, I should have offered him a guest column on here.

I’m joking, obviously.

In my defence of the little nine year old, it did seem for a very long time that Manchester City would mess up their golden chance of winning the Premier League title.

Manchester City were dominant throughout, but never were they fluent, a lot of their play was disjointed and more often than not they tried to force the issue. A total of 35 shots and only 3 goals to show for it gives a good measure of how poor City were yesterday. Of course, there were bound to be nerves, they’d never been in this position before yesterday and were naturally going to stumble over the finish line, I never expected them to trample all over QPR.

After a lot of huffing and puffing, it was Pablo Zabaleta who blew QPR’s house down, receiving a pass from Tevez inside the area and striking high in to the net, past a helpless Paddy Kenny. That goal made it 1-0 at the Etihad Stadium as Manchester United were winning at the Stadium of Light in their fixture with Sunderland, Wayne Rooney having given United the lead nineteen minutes before Zabaleta put Manchester City back in the driving seat.

Over in Sunderland, Manchester United never looked in any danger of doing anything other winning. Sunderland’s official Twitter feed said it all for me, simultaneously updating with the Manchester City score rather than worrying about their own team’s performance. Nobody at the Stadium of Light could be bothered with the game, it was the final outcome everyone was looking forward to seeing.

Just after half-time in Manchester, a Joleon Lescott blunder gave Djibril Cissé ample room in which he could pick his spot and rifle home past Joe Hart. A seemingly hopeless long ball forward was headed backwards by Lescott and Cissé stole on his error, equalising for QPR who had their own troubles to deal with.

Eighteen minutes later, City were met with disaster. QPR broke on Manchester City, Samir Nasri failed to track Jamie Mackie and the Scottish striker met a cross at the far post, putting QPR 2-1 ahead in unbelievable circumstances, what with being down to ten men and all after Joey Barton lost his mind once more.

I’ll touch briefly on Barton. On his Twitter feed, Barton claims he never once lost his head yesterday, that he was of clear mind when he elbowed Carlos Tevez in the throat and proceeded to knee Sergio Aguero. Does Barton really think it was a good idea to do what he did? If so, having claimed he was of rational mind, then that makes him a bit of an idiot and despite his own claims, not very clever at all. I’m sure if Barton had a Wikipedia page available to him at the time, he’d have better controlled himself.

Anyway, City somehow found themselves 2-1 behind and that’s what happens when you think. As far as a game of football goes, yesterday was poor, I mean really poor. It just goes to prove that winning is 70% mentality, the rest is skill etc. I’d say that for most of yesterday, City were operating at 50% winning mentality, they looked as if they could throw it away.

As a chain of controversial events, yesterday was the best match you’ll ever see. At 2-1 down, City had thrown away the title to their city rivals and in the 90th minute, Edin Dzeko equalised for Manchester City. Dzeko had been a little bit of a forgotten man since Carlos Tevez returned to the side and to be honest, I feel very sorry for Dzeko. The big Bosnian isn’t a striker like Sergio Aguero or Tevez is, but one who needs to be the focal point of attacks, feeding on crosses. I’m not entirely sure that Roberto Mancini did all of his homework on Dzeko, I feel he rushed it a little and at the best of times, Dzeko looks like a fish up a tree for City.

I’ve never seen a fish up a tree, but that’s what Dzeko looks like for City at times. All the same, Dzeko had equalised for City and they had just a few minutes in which to find one goal which would give them the Premier League title.

In the final minute, City got their goal. Applying mountains of pressure on QPR, Balotelli flicked on the ball for Aguero whilst the Italian was grounded inside the area. Without panicking, Aguero positioned his body as if he were about to shoot, feigned his shot, dragged the ball to his right and them hammered the ball past Paddy Kenny. Aguero had done very well to work the room and score.

Mike Dean blew up shortly afterwards, declaring time on the match, thus meaning Manchester City had won their first Premier League title.

In Stoke, Bolton had only managed a 2-2 draw, meaning QPR were safe due to their superior goal difference.

Manchester City have shown immense character to come back from that eight point deficit, they looked broken at the Emirates when they played Arsenal and were extremely fortunate to lose by ony the one goal. That match was City’s turning point and they’ve been immense in the final few matches when it mattered.

That’s your lot from me today, I’ll be looking at both Manchester City and United’s seasons over the next few days, today is all about the match report. Sorry if you found this post lacklustre, I’m off to go throw up again.

See you tomorrow!

Follow @J4goalpostsblog

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Craig in England, Premiership Leave a comment

Liverpool Beat Blackburn In Prem Classic / Crazy Mario Walks Unpunished

Good morning!

Sometimes I just like to put the football on the TV in the background and just work away to the sounds of commentators, chanting and the usual football profanities from the crowd. Call me crazy but I find it very soothing.

There is a massive problem with this however, in that when a game becomes lively, it’s very hard to ignore what’s happening. Last night was a quality example of this happening as Liverpool beat (just) Blackburn Rovers 3-2 in a match that will surely go down as a Premier League classic.

The match didn’t start on fire or anything, I found it to be very scrappy in the opening exchanges. If I’m honest, that same ‘broken’ style of play would later provide the basis for an enthralling match and thirteen minutes in, Martin Skrtel picked an incredible 60-yard pass for Craig Bellamy to run on to. Blackburn’s defending for this goal was naive to say the least, there was no line, everybody was scattered, there was just no organisation as Blackburn tried to press Liverpool and Skrtel’s pass had torn Blackburn apart. From Bellamy’s position, baring down on goal from the inside-right wing, his low cross inside the area eluded a recovering Blackburn defence who were helpless to a Maxi Rodriguez tap-in.

Moments later, Maxi had doubled his goal tally and Liverpool’s lead when an Andy Carroll shot came off of Paul Robinson and fell invitingly into Maxi’s path. With the ball in an awkward position for Maxi to strike and presented only a limited window in which to strike the ball, Maxi had to get his technique perfect in order to score. Whatever Maxi lacks in pace and power however, he certainly makes up for in brilliant technique (watch the below video) and the Argentine put Liverpool 2-0 up with 17 minutes played.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL4XxUqYEA4

Liverpool’s form since winning the Carling Cup (is it cursed?) has been dreadful. Nines matches played in all competitions and only two wins (one in the FA Cup versus Stoke City) has made for massive questions to be asked over the ability of Kenny Dalglish as a manager and of Liverpool’s squad as a whole. Personally, I think Dalglish is a poor manager. In post-match interviews he’s seen to be a horrible man and put it down to passion or whatever, but I think it’s bang out of order to act in such a way. Dalglish was a great player for Liverpool but as a manager I believe he’s very poor and Liverpool are deserving of much better.

2-0 up and seemingly flying, Liverpool’s Alexander Doni was sent off in the 25th minute for bringing down Junior Hoilett and as last man, Doni had denied Hoilett a clear goalscoring opportunity. I felt very sorry for Doni who must have found it frustrating to sit on the bench all this time, only to come into Liverpool’s first XI due to Pepe Reina’s suspension, have an FA Cup Semi-Final to look forward to and then have that privilege taken away from him because of a poor Jon Flanagan pass-back.

I do find it harsh for goalkeepers in that instance to receive a red card when they’re merely trying to win the ball. All the same, Brad Jones came on for Jon Flanagan and Jones’ first action was to save Yakubu’s penalty. Having spent a lot of time together at Middlesbrough, Jones knew Yakubu’s routine and saved with ease.

Following the passing of Jones’ five year old son, Lucas, in November, it was a very touching moment to witness when Jones first saluted the Liverpool fans, before turning his attentions to the skies to a watching Lucas Jones. Brad Jones dedicated the save for his eldest child and it was a touching moment for us all to see.

Ten minutes later, Yakubu had atoned for his earlier error, heading home from a cross and suddenly, Blackburn had what had seemed an unlikely lifeline.

At 2-1, Blackburn, pressured Liverpool and for much of the second half, Blackburn played attack v defence, hammering Liverpool’s defence and such relentless pressure eventually told as Brad Jones, wanting too much time from a back-pass, fired a clearance into Junior Hoilett. Jones failed to catch the ball on its way down and with Hoilett going away from goal to receive the ball, Jones pushed Hoilett to unbalance the Canadian.

In the heat of the moment, it was thought that a red card should have been given. In this circumstance, Hoilett was moving away from goal to collect the ball, meaning Liverpool’s defence were allowed time to recover had Hoilett travelled much further to get the ball, before turning round and positioning himself for a shot. A yellow card was sufficient enough for Jones, Hoilett had not been denied a clear goalscoring opportunity.

Not making the same mistake, Yakubu converted his penalty and Blackburn looked good to snatch another goal.

It really was relentless pressure from Blackburn as they desperately tried to claim the three points that would prove enormous in their bid for survival but sometimes when you’re at the bottom, fighting for your life, luck can play tricks on you.

With the clock ticking, a long-ball was directed Daniel Agger, positioned in Blackburn’s penalty area, the Danish international flicked a header on for Andy Carroll to thunder a header past Paul Robinson’s flailing arms.

From Carroll’s goal there was no way back for Steve Kean’s side and Blackburn’s home match versus Wigan Athletic in the penultimate match of the season will prove to be a decider in the relegation battle.For Liverpool, unable to claim European football or indeed find themselves relegated, they are not playing for pride, with the exception of Saturday when they travel to Wembley to play Everton in an FA Cup Semi-Final.

Mario Balotelli

Finally this morning, I’m going to pay homage to the FA’s ridiculous decision to not award Italian striker Mario Balotelli a lengthy ban for his horror tackle(s) on Arsenal’s Alex Song over the weekend. (if we’re talking plural, look at the three challenges he made on Bacary Sagna)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftp4SdbMolU

A referee’s first priority is to ensure the safety of his players. The official that saw this challenge is failing on his very first priority and it just adds to the catalogue of errors we witnessed over the weekend. What makes the decision all the more stupendous if that the FA reviewed this decision and decided Balotelli’s tackle was okay?! Were the FA drinking Carlsberg Special Brew and throwing darts as they made this decision? It’s schoolboy stuff.

To rub salt into the wounds, QPR’s Shaun Derry will be made to serve his one-match ban for Ashley Young’s dive at the weekend. If you’ve not seen the challenge, an offside Ashley Young is brought down after Shaun Derry ‘pushes him’. When I say push, I mean that Derry barely touched Young, it’s a crazy dive and even if Young had have scored, he was offside, thus rendering any foul illigitimate

That’s your lot from me this morning. See you in the comments.

Follow @J4goalpostsblog

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Craig in England, Premiership Leave a comment

Mario Balotelli. The Man, The Legend.

Morning! Sorry for the late update this week, was absolutely knackered last night so didn’t get a chance to write this. Anyway as with last week I shall start this week’s article with an anecdote:

I went to get my hair cut on Wednesday. On the way home I walked past a woman, and she was walking her dog. The dog was brown and white, some kind of spaniel or a terrier. I have no idea.

That was good weren’t it? I do in fact have a much greater anecdote, regarding a stalker I appear to have picked up on a night out. Full on psychopathic. In a way it was quite flattering, and I felt like a celebrity. You know you’ve only really made it once you’ve had a stalker. I don’t really want to talk about her anyway because she’s probably reading this somehow. If you are reading this, Claire I believe your name is, stop following me! I also do not have Facebook, or a telephone. I am a hermit living in a cold, dark, secluded cave.

Anyway while we are on the subject of psychopaths; she inspired me to make this week’s post all about the Premier League’s latest and arguably greatest psychopath, Mario Balotelli. Here you will find a countdown of his 8 of his greatest antics so far. Although I’m sure this list is bound to grow, and I will be sure to keep tabs on it.

8. This week’s infamous backheeled shot

We start our countdown just this week, where our boy Mario whilst straight through on goal against LA Galaxy, decided to try a fancy backheel instead of just putting the ball in the net. He missed. Roberto Mancini was outraged at this outrageous lack of respect (and probably the fact he missed…) and hauled him straight off.

Come on Roberto! Lighten up! It livened up what would be a drab preseason friendly.

7. Allergic to grass

Ok this is probably not his fault admittedly… but this was the news that a professional footballer was allergic to grass. The stuff they play on all weekend, and train on all week. And Super Mario is allergic to it. Only if it’s in Kiev though, as it all came up midway through a Europa League defeat to Dynamo Kiev. I do understand, that Ukrainian grass is bloody lethal. Not like our tame grass over here and in Italy. This stuff has fangs and everything. It’s venomous!

6. Darts Practice

I don’t think Mario Balotelli is a bad person. Yes, he’s mischievous, but I genuinely think he’s just having a laugh and doesn’t realise the consequences. So when he decided to throw darts at youth team members at the clubs Carrington training ground, as you do, I think he was just so naïve that it didn’t click in his brain that somebody could get hurt. As it happened, nobody did get hurt as his accuracy with a dart is obviously about on par with Emile Heskey’s with a Football, so it’s made another great story to go down with the legend of Balotelli. Coming soon to a book store near you.

5. Missing FA Cup parade

It was Manchester City’s first trophy parade since the Normans invaded, a massive occasion for the club, and every City should have been proud of the achievements, and wanted to celebrate it with their loyal followers. But not Mario, no he went back to Italy for family reasons. That’s fair enough I guess, but what were these family reasons then? Well he was spotted throwing water balloons at TV crews at a meeting of Serie A chiefs (shouldn’t that be chieves? Oh language why do you have to be so inconsistent!). If it wasn’t such a brilliant reason for missing it, I might even be annoyed at you for disrespecting the cup. Instead I just love you even more. Damn you!

4. Urmm…Can I say that?

Staying with the FA Cup, and after that winning performance against Stoke in the final, Mario was interviewd live on ITV, where he was asked about his season. in typical Mario fashion he replied

“All of my season was shit — can I say that?”

No Mario you can’t. But I’m so, so glad you did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz8nc1X1rC8

3. Parking tickets

Mario doesn’t do parking tickets. He’s above that. At one point he was said to have had £10,000 worht of tickets, was racking them up at a rate of 3 a day, and had even had his car impounded 27 times. When the police pulled him over once, they found £25,000 cash on the front seat. When asked why he had it he replied with probably the greatest one liner spoken by man or beast.

“Because I’m rich”

2. Beating the bullies!

When he got asked for an autograph at the training ground by a young boy, his first thought was why is he not at school? Turned out the boy was playing truant because he was getting bullied. Mario took it upon himself to drive the kid to school, give the bully a piece of his mind, inform the teacher of the incident and even mediate a meeting between the two kids, before swiftly driving back to training. See I told you he was a good guy!

1. Bibgate

I don’t even have to mention this one. The video says it all…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpL9eQ6mm-k

Anyway, that’s your lot. As Craig said last week, Craig, Mat and I will all be attending the Emirates Cup match between Arsenal and Thierry Henry on Sunday. Except they will be in the scum seats with all the other riff-raff and I will be in an executive box. If they’re sitting below me I may even have to spit on them.

“HOW DARE YOU BE SINGING AND CHANTING AND ENJOYING YOURSELVES!!!!

LET ME EAT MY PRAWN SANDWICHES IN PEACE!!! AND WHY ARE YOU STANDING UP?!?! AT LEAST YOU’VE LEARNT TO STAND ON THOSE HIND LEGS AT LAST!

YOU’RE PEASANTS THE LOT OF YOU!

YOU DON’T GET THIS AT THE BUCKINGHAMSHIRE LAWN BOWLS CHAMPIONSHIP!”

Anyway I’m off now to spend my benefit money on a bottle of whiskey so I can drink it out a brown paper bag on a park bench and hurl abuse at passers-by.

See y’all next week.

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@J4goalpostsblog

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Posted on July 29, 2011 by Rob in England, Premiership Leave a comment